Having a friend who just gets you is something that is truly golden in life. I am so so grateful that I have a friend who is going through the same exact stuff right now that I am. Trying to explain my issues to other people is just not the same because they can’t empathize with me. Not that I’m not grateful for them listening or anything. It’s just that having a friend who’s also having a major identity crisis really helps me cope with my identity crisis. And this is proven by the fact that we just spent four hours outside of Starbucks discussing how we have taken the same path over the past year and how frustrated we are by it.

Life’s tough. Get a helmet…and a friend who’s wearing the exact same one.

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Why becoming a scientist is driving me nuts

Life really sucks when you don’t know what you want to do with it. I think my biggest problem is that I like so many different things that I can’t just pick one to focus on. That and grad school is a really big commitment.

The problem with science is that you pretty much have to get a Masters or PhD to be able to get a good job. But to get a Masters or PhD, you have to specialize in something. Picking something to specialize in is a real problem for me because I love a lot of things in science. On the other hand though, I talked with a professor that told me that after grad school, you probably won’t work in the field you went to grad school for. Needless to say, that makes life way more confusing. So do I pick a speciality or do I just go for general biology because it might not matter down the road?

Well I’ve decided to apply to neuroscience programs. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do in my career, but I at least like the idea of studying the brain’s response to music. I’m hoping studying that won’t relinquish me to sit in a lab all day running tests, because I REALLY don’t want to do that in life. I think combining science and art is 1. Awesome and 2. Less likely to make me become a lab rat.

While the idea of neuroscience and music is great, I still hesitate. Going to grad school is a big commitment. It’s 5-6 years of my life that I’m signing away. And I know that jobs are the same thing, but since I don’t even honestly know what I want to do in life, taking a huge step by going to grad school is intimidating. Some days I question whether I even want to get into science because it means I may never really get to travel, which is so not okay with me. I need to be able to travel, and science is not noted for jobs that allow you to do that. But while this is a big issue for me, I don’t know what else I would do besides science. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s what I’m good at. It’s something I love.

Current life status: stuck between and a rock and a hard place.

Aside

One of the worst feelings in the world is helplessness. Not being able to be there for people who really need someone is heartbreaking. I write this as I feel helpless because I can’t console those affected by the death of Cory Monteith, someone I thought was a really stellar guy and role model. Two of my idols, Chris Colfer and Darren Criss, were close friends with Cory, and knowing that they’re hurting makes me so so sad. I just wish I could go give them hugs and be there for them. And although I write this post about celebrities, I feel the same way about my friends and family. I specifically remember a night where a friend was having rough time and just needed to hang out with a friend, but I was 5 hours away so I couldn’t be there. It made my heart drop and I actually wanted to cry. I hate feeling helpless and Cory’s death just brings back that unpleasant feeling…

 

RIP Cory Monteith

“Stop comparing…

Quote

“Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn’t meant to look like anyone else’s because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing, and start living. You may not have ended up where you intended to go. But trust, for once, that you have ended up where you needed to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough.”
— Daniell Koepke

 

The Darren Criss Experience

So last night I got to see Darren Criss in his final performance on his first nationwide tour. It was so surreal and so much better than I could have ever expected.

I got to The Fillmore at 11:15am to snag a spot in line. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to get a VIP ticket, which includes a meet-and-greet/photo, so I got to skip the long general admission line. I was the fifth person in line for VIP, so I was really damn excited because it was my goal to be able to get a close spot to the stage for the concert. I knew people that were going to the concert, but they had GA tickets, so I wasn’t able to stand in line with them. The fact that I was going by myself made me nervous because that meant I had to spend all day just by myself. Or so I thought. Over the course of the day (I was there from 11:15am to 2:00am the next day), I met so many fantastic people. I made friends with three other girls in particular: Kristina, Katy, and Celine. We all stuck together throughout the afternoon and up until we met Darren, and Kristina even made me a bracelet while we waited in line. We got a little separated at the concert, but I still stuck with Kristina and another friend who had Deluxe VIP, Emily. And even after the concert, I saw all of them and then met Darren again with Kristina. Honestly, all of these girls were the reason my day was infinitely better. Yes, meeting Darren twice and getting to see him perform was absolutely amazing, but if I didn’t have anyone else to experience it with, it just would not have been as good. I am so so glad I met these girls and it still makes me tear up to know that complete strangers can bond over our love for Darren.

Now, meeting Darren went differently than I had anticipated. I had planned out what I wanted to say to him and how I wanted to pose for our picture. Well, that all went out the door as soon I heard his voice. We were waiting in line and all of a sudden, I look over and he’s just casually strolling by us and talking to someone. No one seemed to notice so I went “Guys…that’s Darren…” and then some people started to freak out a bit. But as he walked by, I heard him talking and oh my word his voice is like smooth caramel. It is so seductive and entirely unfair. So when it was my turn to meet him, a rep asked me my name and she introduced me to him. It was when he actually said my name that I blanked on everything. I went in for the hug, which lasted awhile and was in the top five of Best Hugs I’ve Ever Received. He is honestly such a good hugger and that by itself kind of made the experience worth it. He told me thanks for coming and then just kind of turned me to take a picture. I was so dumbstruck that I didn’t have a chance to tell him I wanted to pose. After the picture, i don’t even remember what I did, but I know I didn’t say anything I wanted to. I can’t even remember if I said thank you because all I remember is getting my bag and walking out. If there’s something that really bothers me about my meet-and-greet is that I didn’t even say thank you to him. I feel like such an asshole for not saying it, so I just really hope I did. I was also disappointed that I didn’t get to tell him that I love that he, like myself, wears bright socks. I was just disappointed in myself for not doing the things I planned, but I’m trying to look on the bright side. I met Darren freaking Criss.

Darren’s concert was amazing, as expected. I enjoyed his two opening acts more than I thought I would, too. I got lucky enough to be in the second row right behind some of my new friends, so I was able to have a really good view the whole concert. The amount of emotion that Darren puts into his songs, and performing in general, is astounding. He leaves his heart on the stage and he is such a good singer. There were no special guests, which I was hoping for seeing as it was his last concert of the tour, but that didn’t break my heart or anything. After the show, Kristina and I waited out back for him for about 3 hours. Although I was tired, hungry, and dehydrated, it was worth it. He remembered meeting me earlier, we took another picture, and he signed both my VIP poster and my phone case. He really is such a sweetheart and I just can’t get over that.

The weather may have been crazy, the merch line may have taken me an hour and a half to get through, and I may have regrets about my meet-and-greet with Darren, but getting to meet so many wonderful people and spend the day with them overshadows everything else.

Me, Celine (who is from France!), Katy, and Kristina. This is right before Darren walked by our VIP line.

Me, Celine (who is from France!), Katy, and Kristina. This is right before Darren walked by our VIP line.